Tuesday, March 14, 2017

The One I'm Thinking Of

Its been 2 Months and 14 days since the day you've walked into my life. You always had your mood swing as usual where you doesn't want to talk to anyone but keeping in silence and resting yourself when I am not be able to sleep beside you patting you to sleep like how I've always do. At this moment, even the slightest/smallest thing I do could've annoyed you like it always does.

I was heartbroken and disappoint not because you throw your temper on me, instead i felt that way because I couldn't find any better way just to cheer you up a little. Maybe I was stupid enough to even think that my msg itself could cheer you up a lil sometime when you're down. But definitely I can tell you doesn't matter how bad my situation or my mood is, one msg from you could made my day. During this moment of silence we had, I would spend all the times I have just to reflect on everything we've been through - The great times and the not-so-great. This reflection taught me a lot about myself and my relationship with you, Sya.

During this moments of solitude, I was emotionally overwhelmed and needed an outlet which transpired me to Youtube any songs which could've make me feels better where I've came by one songs which I would love to share it with you. I am telling all these because I believe it's important to know: No relationship is perfect as how we wished our fairy tail story could've been. You see a side of you and me, the side we choose to display when we both are together; but I think it is fair and honest to reveal the hardship as well when you beside me, tell me everything that you couldn't be able to solve by yourself; moving on from your past and sees the future we both see in us.

This song serves as a reminder for me, that maintaining a relationship is hard work, but what's more important is you knew that she is the one you want to live with for the rest of your life - She is the one that you would want to spend your forever with and whom you want to marry one day - doesn't matter how serious the argument went, we will always make it right and we will find a way to love each other more and more each and every day.

Make it Right
This love has faded black and white,
So let it out tonight.
Turn around and face the light,
You gotta make, make, make it right.
Right, right, gotta make it right,
right, right, gotta make it.
And all the things that we've been through, you know i'm there for you. So come on take it back in time and paint it in the sky
Got me locked up in your eyes,
Girl you know you bring me back to life.
We'll be better off in time.
You gotta make make make it right.
Right, right, Gotta make it right,
Right right, gotta make it Right (Woaaaaah)
VERSE 2 We search around in hope for signs, but through these streets we're running blind. A love like this is hard to find. So give your heart the time.
With all this strength you pull me in,
well we could pick it up again.
All of this time i'm out here chasing, all that i'm thinking is
POST CHORUS You gotta make it,
you gotta you gotta you gotta make make make it.
You gotta make it.
You gotta you gotta you gotta make make make it right

Friday, March 3, 2017

If you're happy :)

I’ve been waiting for you for so long. I honestly thought that because I spent all that time waiting, I had earned some part of you. It felt like I had worked for something, you know? Because I had been patient, I had been understanding when you would disappear for months at a time, that I would be rewarded for this behavior.I don’t know where this train of thought came from.

I don’t own any part of you, nor should I expect to. I have grown up all on my own for a long time, I don’t know why I felt as if I needed to be there while you do the same. It’s your job to figure out how to be you, without me butting in and complicating things. You deserve the right to be holistically you, without anything from the past complicating that.

I want big things for you because I believe you are capable of them. I see you doing incredible things with your future, if you so choose. You can live wherever you want, do whatever you want, and nothing will stand in your way. The only thing that has ever stopped you before is yourself. If you can recognize this and fight past it, I truly believe you will be unstoppable.

This doesn’t mean I don’t care about you, or that I didn’t wish things were different. I’m just doing that thing you do when you love somebody, understanding that what is best for them isn’t necessarily what is going to make you the happiest. Long-term though, this might be the best thing for both of us.

I think we could make each other happy, but we never seem to quite match up. We’re always just a little skewed from the same path, never quite reaching the same end. There’s too much history, too many deeply rooted issues that we refuse to talk about. I’m not even sure you know that some of them exist.

Letting you go while you stand right in front of me will be difficult. I see what I want to see, I have these rose colored glasses shoved so far up the bridge of my nose I don’t even try and take them off. But it is to both of our benefits that I do. Perhaps one day our paths will cross again. But until that time, I want both of us to grow and learn, to become who we have always been destined to be. I want us to make this separation count.

Because I know we can make it count, so we will. We are both strong. We are both capable. And we are both meant to be something important in this world. Maybe, just for now, we are not meant to be those things together.

Break up?

Numerous attempt of breaking up had been occurring since the past 2 months. Well this is no time to actually blame whose fault it is, but breaking up is it the real solution for every relationship? Its true that breaking up is consider as a normal scenario in every relationship likewise to mine. I have been there and done all these breaking up scenario not just once but almost my entire dating's life. But let me ask you one thing; is it right to announce breaking up by individual decision instead of further discussion with your partner face to face to actually talk things out and try to salvage the broken relationship before we actually announcing it. It is unfair for both partner to mentioned and claimed break up by one party and of course there's no fairness in a relationship. It's more on to whether one's decide to commit into the relationship as well as compromising to each other weakness by helping out each other to move along in the relationship.

Likewise my case, obviously it is not as perfect as how I want it to be. I truly understood that there are things which we should think before we do, but is it that serious to actually bring it to an END to the relationship? No doubt, I did it without thinking whether it is going to hurt any party in the process but definitely I've got no intention of ruining the relationship instead I want to make things better, like how I always did. I've got no one to blame but myself in this fault. However, let us keep ourselves calm a little and think straight. It he really that unworthy that you want to actually break up with him? Am i really that bad that you can't compromise to failure of mine when I can always compromise to yours? Of course, like any other people who are in a relationship that always wanted their partner to treat them like how they are being treated. But if I can actually compromise to your weakness and I've always been there to correct you if you are wrong, I don't wish for nothing but I just hope you can think wiser before you making that kind of decision. Why can't we just enjoy the moment of being love and love each other. Definitely there's no issue with a couple for a fight but always think back of what they had done for you.

Remember all those things I've always promised? I promised that I will always be there no matter what happen, I promised that even when everyone left and the earth felt on you I would have hold it up for you, I promised that if one day you wish to go MIA; I will do whatever it takes until I managed to find you and fix things up with you no matter how long it takes; no matter how much it takes; I will always love you, I promised you that I'll do anything just to make sure that the future I've seen and the future we've spoke about to be truth one day, I promised that I will never stop loving you doesn't matter how down or sickening the problem is; I will never leave you or give up in this relationship. Probably 2 months for you is nothing and probably 2 months of mine definitely can't defeat your 3 years love story, but lemme tell you one thing. This 2 months relationship of ours meant everything for me. It felt like a 5 years relationship with you which is why I've always thank god for your existence in my life as well as appreciating you more and more daily.

Remember the only promised you made to me throughout this 2 month relationship? You promised that you will never leave me back behind as what being recorded, You promised me that even if you have any problem, you will tell it to me and I will sort it up with you? 2 months relationship and you've never promise anything but today 03/03/17, you made these pinky promises with me. And only 1 picture, you've made your mind of giving me up? Is it really worth it? Syasya, you told me that I am your dream bf and I am the one that actually made you think that all these relationship goals are true. You told me that you have chosen me since the beginning and you told me that you love me. Why now you want to make this decision when you can actually see the future of us being together.

I really don't know what can I do this time to actually salvage this relationship of ours but I will do as what I've always promised, Syasya; you will be the last girl that I'll ever date and I will never give up in this 2 month relationship of ours. Compromising is the key to actually sustain and salvage this little relationship of ours. This is not because I want to control you and force you to treat me like how I've always treated you. I've got no intention to actually make you feel like whatever I did is a type of forcing but I just wish you to think wise before making any decision of yours like always.

Syasya, I really love you like a lot and you've actually meant anything for me. All these things that I've told you before, it will always be in my heart and it always will. Typing this and I've no idea why I shredded all these tears of mine, I really doesn't want my relationship to end like this.
I love you always and forever.

Thursday, February 16, 2017

The ultimate power of FORGIVENESS

Always ask yourself, is he really worth that much to kept you struggling about your past, always ask that when you're not thinking straight. One day, you will realize how foolish you're struggling yourself for someone who is just your past tense. True, sometime it's hard for us to forget but let's not forget to keep yourself away instead forgive to make our day better. Thanks them instead of pleasing them because they're the one that made us became who we are today; they're the one that let us meet the other part of us; they're the one that doesn't appreciate us so that we could move on and let someone else who appreciate us, our efforts and our belonging.

Every problem caused, there'll be a simplest solution for it. Tell yourself, seek the inner self of yours, look back at those who appreciate you and treat you like a princess, they're the one whom I shall stick with; always and forever. All you need is to please the one who appreciate you but not those who doesn't, and if you do please the one who doesn't, it'll definitely hurt those who actually cared for you. Heart felt like being pierced by thousand sword when one knew it not from you but seek himself instead.

I choose to forgive because I understand your situation. And of course it's because I love you always and forever.

Friday, February 10, 2017


Probably blogging is the only place where I can really pour out my feelings, not because I'm unapproachable or introvert. Scorpios are good at hiding their feelings but of course not to the one they actually cared and love. Honestly speaking, I really do not know what kind of mixed feeling I'm having right now but definitely is depression.

One thing which I really do not understand, why can't you just enjoy the moment being love and pamper like every other girl? If you tell me, I don't see any problem in our relationship. Insecurities of yours, yes but that is not the reason for you to run away. Life/relation is not like hooping into a Train, you don't just hoop to the next available train when you reach your destination and proceed to the next. Relationship is like planting a tree, all you need is to shower the seeds with love and to exterminate the destroyers if there's any. Time passed and eventually you will see the tree grown. Exactly like how a relationship should be, you're suppose to receive the love and pamper without any problems that could hinder you away from it and enjoy the whole journey with the one you love, seats back and relax the moment.

One day, when your kid ask you why him and you will be able to say because he never give up on me even when everyone gave up. He is there holding up to everything and prevent the sky from falling and crushing me, he protected me, he gives me advice, he listen to my stories, he accept me for who I am until now he is still treating me like how he used to. Yes, probably you're hearing voices in your mind that gives you the insecurities. But hold on, isn't him being there all the time when you're insecure? Isn't him gave you all the promises and vow? Why would you still holding up on all that when he is giving his everything? Why would you shut him off just like that when what he sees in you is not just the pleasure but every single things about you? You knew it very well how he can actually tell it all out all the little characteristic and behavior of yours?

We love not because we're tired of anything, we love because the feeling is there. Loving you definitely are the most beautiful thing ever happened in my life. I choose to love you for who you are, I choose to stay because I sees the good in you. I choose to be there to cheer you up, to pamper you and to correct you if you're wrong. I don't choose to run the track alone, I choose to run it with you because deep down inside I know all I want is you. I love you not because I have the need to replace the hole in my heart, I love you because I want to take care of you and I want the best for you.

Every time when you're tired, when you choose to run. Think a lil, why you choose to let me walk into your life? And why should I stopping myself from being love? If there's one reason for you to hold on to our relationship, you shouldn't stop loving. Look at the little book of yours that you written, think back why I love him so much? Rewind back and remember all those promises he made, did he ever stop doing all that?

Thank you for letting me into your heart, sharing all your thought and every detail about you and your life. Thank you for letting me to understand you each and every single day and thank you for letting me loving you and pampering you all these while. Probably everyone will be saying one month is nothing, but because I'm different. I love harder than anyone else, I tried harder than anyone else and I don't give up on things just like that. I understand no matter how much tears of mine stumble upon, you will never grab hold and wipe it for me. But if Love is define as seeing the one you love are happy, then I will do anything/everything by all mean just to make sure you're happy with who you are and where you are. A promises that will stays forever. I will never stop loving.

Happy Valentine in advanced, my baby girl Syasya that I will never stop doing anything as long as it's for you.
I Love you.